Ouch...How do I respond to THAT?

Ouch. Did they really just do that to me?

Have you ever asked yourself that?  These were my exact thoughts as I sat across from him, my head leaning against the wall partially in weariness from the long day and partially from the hurt and anger that threatened to rise up and strangle me.

Now, I'm not going to name any names.  This post is about forgiveness, so hopefully it's obvious I'm not out for revenge by telling the world the awful wrong that "that person" has done to me.  But I do feel inclined to give you some background info before I go any further.

I liked this guy.  And he liked me.  So, you can imagine my elation when he said he wanted to go out with me (we call it dating at my house, but our form of "dating" is more commonly known as "courting").  For the space of about two weeks, everything was going fantastically.  We weren't officially courting yet, but we were hanging out and headed in that direction.  Everything was great.

And then things started happening.  

The person we went to for advice and permission told us to wait a few months.  We both agreed but were a little disappointed and I think that slowed us down a little bit.  Then, a situation that wasn't in either of our controls happened, and it drove us apart for the space of about a few weeks.  But I still cared about him and I prayed for him daily, and that the situation he was going through would get easier and God would help him through this.  Eventually, we made up and we were finally talking again, even texting each other on a daily basis.  This made me extremely happy, and I was convinced that if we had made it past that, we could make it past any other obstacle that came our way.

Then, the week of my college orientation came, which left me confused and upset (not to mention exhausted, because, as I've learned the past 5 weeks...there is no sleep in college!!).  I had just talked to him the night before orientation started and everything was completely normal.  But I noticed he didn't text me the Thursday orientation started.

He probably just thought I was in orientation all day and didn't want to bother me, I thought.

But then he ignored me the next time I saw him, and when I approached him to ask if he was mad at me, he said no.  But then he kept ignoring me, every time I saw him.  And he wouldn't text me.  I was confused and upset but forced to move on, especially with college starting and my life radically changing because of it.  He ignored me for over a month before we finally acknowledged each other again.

Which is what leads me to the biggest event that this post is about.

We were all sitting at a small birthday party after church that a few of us had went to.  My mom, sister, and I had decided to go, and we were talking to him in a normal manner.  Now, at this point, I had decided moving on was best, but I was trying to be nice to him because I knew that's what God wanted me to do.  And then he said something out of the clear blue that felt like a kick to the ribs.


Someone else: So you like (name of other girl)
Him [Raises his hand]: I do.

Wait, what?  The conversation continued until my mom finally sat up from the couch and loudly exclaimed "Well, I already told Hannah she's not dating any of the boys at Liberty" (if you know my mom, you know that she doesn't let anyone mess with her kids, and I love that about her).  Me, however?  I felt like a piece of trash that he had thought so little of he didn't even care that he'd hurt my feelings.  And it wasn't necessarily that he liked another girl, because I'd moved on by that point as well, but it was simply the fact that he'd thought so little of our relationship and my feelings that he didn't care it had only been a month since he'd stopped talking to me...he'd proudly proclaimed in front of me that he liked someone else already.

So, how's a girl supposed to respond to THAT?

Initially, our response is to get back at that person.  For many girls, it would be proudly parading around their relationship with another guy or treating the one that hurt them with contempt and hatred.

But as Christians, we're supposed to take a different approach, one that's a million times harder than what the secular world oftentimes does.  We are supposed to FORGIVE those that hurt us.  And even more importantly, we are supposed to LOVE them.

In Luke 23:34, it tells us that Jesus asked this concerning those that were crucifying Him.  "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

When we think about the context of this scripture, we come to realize that Jesus didn't let their actions affect how He treated them or viewed them.  He asked that they would be forgiven of their sins while they were crucifying Him!  And not only that, but Jesus was dying for THEIR sins as he asked that they would be forgiven.  He loved them so much, those that had laid a crown of thorns on His head, whipped him 39 times with a belt that scarred His back and left open wounds, and then nailed His hands and feet to a cross, that He died for them.

Did you get that?  He DIED for them.

So, how much more are we supposed to forgive those that hurt us.  No, it doesn't make what they did any less hurtful, and it doesn't mean that we have to restore that relationship to its former "glory".  But it does mean that we have to move on, and treat them as though nothing had ever happened (by that, I mean we can't be hateful towards them, not that we should make the relationship with that person the way it was before).  It means we have to continue to love them and pray for them, even when it feels like our hearts are breaking inside our chests.

The point in these enormously long post of mine?  Forgive everyone that hurt you.  Everyone.  No, it's not going to be easy, and no, they probably won't ever apologize, but that's okay.  You will be free from any bitterness and hatred that would try to imprison you, and God will forgive you of your own wrongdoings when you forgive others.



Talk to you soon, everyone!!
Hannah