Letting Go

Okay, so if I'm being honest, I had the worst week of my life about two weeks ago.  Not only did I have to cut off someone who meant the world to me, but I lost complete control of my life and it seemed like everything was falling apart and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.  But in the midst of this chaos, I realized that God was doing something in my life...

Have you ever had something that you know you should let go of, but you cannot for the life of you seem to?  Well, that's pretty much what happened to me.  I can't point a finger in either direction, but all I knew was that I had to break off this relationship.  All that I was getting from it was a broken heart and feelings of uncertainty, and I wasn't able to put anything into that relationship either...it was slowly falling apart and there was nothing I could do to save it.  So I broke it off that Monday...hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

Then came Wednesday.  Monday had passed, and had actually turned out to be a good day.  Tuesday had come, and I found myself a little tear eyed at dumb things I saw, such as seeing something at work that reminded me of it, or a thought popping into my head.  Wednesday, however, was the worst day of the entire week.  I was already feeling awful and completely stressed out that day, but then we couldn't go to church, and something happened.  When I was certain church was over, it hit me: there was no one for me to talk to.  There wasn't anyone who I could ask how service went, and no one to tell me how much they missed me at service.  Worst off, there was no one to tell how I was feeling to, except for God (thank goodness for Jesus!).

Honestly, I was ready to end it all.  At this point, I didn't believe in anything anymore.  I didn't believe in love or in friendship...the only thing I did believe in was God.  And once I poured out my heart to Him, He lifted me up and helped me to see that everything was going to be okay.

So fast forward to Sunday...I was absolutely dreading this day because I had to give something back to that friend.  I wasn't sure how that person would respond and I wasn't exactly sure how I would either.  Would I cry?  Would I be happy and relieved?  What would I feel like?  It was a mixture...For a few minutes, we actually acted as if nothing had happened, as if we were still friends.  I was relieved that that was over and done with, but at the same time, I didn't want to let go.  I didn't want to stop being best friends.

I fought these feelings for a couple days.  Why should I have to let go?  We could still be really good friends and everything would be okay, right?  But deep inside, I knew that wouldn't work.  I prayed and I prayed, but the answer was the same: We could be friends, but things would never be back to the way they used to be.  This was so hard for me!  I couldn't let go.  I was so afraid that I would go back to the lonely, insecure girl I once used to be.

After praying (very hard, I must add) and reading the Word of God, I felt God was saying it was time to let go.  So I did...that very day God showed that He would take care of me.  I learned that one of the boys I 'go' (I go to an online public school) to US History class with is actually someone I bible quizzed with.  On top of that, I got to see him and another one of my friends which I haven't seen since 2nd grade at the testing site for my ECAs.  I felt better from then on.

As the days went on, I started talking to a bunch more people, and now have more friends than I have ever had in my life!  I'm not saying I don't miss that friend of mine, because I do.  I miss being able to talk to him about nearly anything, and I miss hanging out with him.  But I do realize that letting him go was, in fact, the right choice.  God made the situation to work out for my good, and for that, I'm so happy and ecstatic!!!

So, with that, what are you hanging on to?  Is there something in your life that God is telling you to let go of, but you can't seem to bear the thought of it?  I can assure you, letting go is the right choice.  Let go of whatever it is you're holding on to.  You won't regret it!

Letting Go of the Past,
Hannah Elizabeth

Song List

Hey everyone,

Here is the list of songs I promised you all.  I hope you listen to some of them and are inspired!  :)

All This Time by Britt Nicole
Already There by Casting Crowns
Arms That Hold the Universe by 33 Miles
Beauty in the Broken by Hyland
Busted Heart (Hold On to Me) by For King and Country
Day After Day by Kristian Stanfill
Don't Give Up by Calling Glory
Every Good Thing by The Afters
Everything Falls by Fee
Feel the Light by Britt Nicole
Gold by Britt Nicole
He Said by Group 1 Crew (feat. Chris August)
Headphones by Britt Nicole
Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North
I Am New by Jason Gray
Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood
Lift Me Up by The Afters
Light Up the Sky by The Afters
More by Matthew West
Never Let You Go by Manafest
Orphans of God by Avalon
Promises by Sanctus Real
Reach by Peter Furler
The Redeemer by Sanctus Real
Restore by Chris August
Safe by Phil Wickham (feat. Bart Millard)
Stand by Britt Nicole
Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe
Stronger by Mandisa
The Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe
The Upside of Down by Chris August
Walk on the Water by Britt Nicole
Wedding Day by Casting Crowns
Where the Light Is by Anthem Lights
Who You Are by Unspoken
Worn by Tenth Avenue North
You Are More by Tenth Avenue North
You Never Are by Francesca Battistelli

I know it's a long list, and there are still so many more songs that could be on this list (I just went through my playlists for these, so trust me, there's so many more!).  If you have any suggestions, please email me at brollett@gmail.com.

Peace and Love,
Hannah Elizabeth

Hope

I admit it.  I've been pretty hopeless lately.  Between struggling to fix a relationship in my life and juggling all my responsibilities, I've been so tired and trying to hang on tight to God's promise...but it seems like I've lost hope.

Sometimes it seems like we just don't know what to do.  In my case, I've been making tons of new friends lately, but the one relationship that probably meant the most to me at one time seems to be slipping out of my hands.  The worst part is, I don't even know what to do to stop it.

So, yes, I've been hurting lately.  But, I'm finding (as I've often found out before) that these are the experiences that draw us even closer to God.  He drew me close to His side when I was going through the depression, the hurt, and the seemingly endless nights of loneliness, and He'd drawing me even closer now.

I don't know if you've heard the song, but Chris August has one called "The Upside of Down".  It's incredible, and really speaks the truth.  If you're a believer, then it doesn't matter what you go through-there is always an upside to your downside.  For me, God has begun to restore hope and open up opportunities and dreams that I had given up years ago.  He's showing me who I was meant to be-not just someone lost in this world, hurting, but a testimony of His life and His love to those who are hurting.

Lately, I've been having what I call 'healing moments with Jesus'.  Usually it's just tears streaming down my face, almost barely able to speak, as He softly whispers words of hope.  These are probably the most incredible moments I've ever experienced in my life.  They've shown me something too...that my situation really doesn't dictate how happy I am.  For instance, despite the fact that I came into church last night worried about all these different things and feeling like my heart was going to break right in my chest, there was a feeling of elation just being able to worship God in His house.  That was enough to make me leap for joy and my heart to sing.

So, have you ever experienced these feelings?  Have you ever felt hopeless, lost, or completely and utterly broken?  If you have, there is a Healer for your hurts.  He can supply all the hope, the joy, the peace, and whatever else you seem to have lost in your trial, and also give you abundantly more than what you had before.  Don't ever give up on your journey, but let Him carry you through your weakest moments.  Cast all your troubles and your burdens on Him, so He can make your heart light.

You're halfway there...

Put Your Trust in Him,

Hannah Elizabeth

P.S. I'm composing a list of songs that always encourage when I'm down.  I'll share them in my next post.  :)

Worn

Okay, so if you listen to K-love or are familiar with Tenth Avenue North's music, then you've heard their new song 'Worn'.  At first, I wasn't so sure about it, but as I began to listen to it, I realize how much this fits into several, if not all of our lives.

We've all experienced it-that dragging, consistent weariness.  Some days it's simply because we've had a busy day or we've got so much to do that the very thought of work makes us weary.  Other times it's  like depression and we get dragged down with the cares of this life.  For me, it's been the latter more so than the former.

Lately, I've been really stressed out with different things.  In fact, I can't even really tell you what the real source of that stress is.  I guess it's because I'm growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I'm finding myself having to make difficult decisions, and although they don't compare with the tough decisions many adults have to make, I still find them pretty big.

Because of this stress, or worry, I've been wandering aimlessly around the house doing various tasks to occupy my mind.  By the time I've completed just a few tasks, however, I feel like I'm exhausted.  Granted, the weather here in Indiana hasn't been bright and sunny, so that contributes to everyone's weariness, but I still feel tired when I shouldn't be.

Sometimes the cares of this life can choke us to the point where we lose our focus on God and become worn.  We get stressed out with our job, relationships, etc. and we worry about it way more than what we should.  Then, we try to figure our problems out on our own instead of going to the One who told us to cast our cares on Him.  This causes us to get weary and tired with finding the solution and can sometimes even cause us to feel down and melancholy.

But that's not the way God designed us.  In 1 Peter 5:7, it says, "Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you."  God loves us, and only He can truly know the best solution to our problems.  It's only through Him that we can find that peace that lasts through the good and bad times.  The peace that causes us to realize no matter what we go through, it's going to be alright.  With God, we don't have to be worn down by life's circumstances.

So what's going on in your life?  Is there a situation or problem that's causing you to stress and exhaust yourself finding an answer?  If so, remember that God is beside you right now, waiting for you to turn your problems over to Him.  Find peace in the Peacemaker and allow Him to give you rest.

Cast Your Cares On Him,
Hannah Elizabeth

My Story

A lot of you may be wondering why I even started this blog.  Honestly, there were times when I wondered the same thing.  But then I realized that it has to do with my story...no, not my entire life story (that's too long to tell), but basically the event that made me who I am today.

Three years ago, almost to the very day, I lost two very dear friends.  In fact, they were pretty much my only friends and that was kind of pathetic on my part.  But, to my credit, I expected them to be in my life forever-in my wedding, to see my children, and eventually we would grow old and our families would gather together and play.  I was obviously wrong.

I won't go into all the details, but what I will tell you was that they left my life rather suddenly.  Although they were leaving, though, I was promised that we would still get to hang out and talk on the phone.  Unfortunately, that promise was broken in less than a week.  I was texting them on Wednesday when our conversation ended abruptly, and then I called them on Friday only to find that they ignored my call.  I was utterly devastated.  Somehow, I made it through that month.  

About a month later, I got an email in my inbox confirming my original thoughts-they weren't allowed to talk to me anymore.  I'm still not sure why, but they weren't.  So I did the best I could to make friends with the others in my youth group, and for a while succeeded too, but that didn't last long.  I quickly began to feel the sting of rejection and more and more like an outcast each day-I stopped going to youth events in the fall.

The one thing I have to say about that event was that it pulled me closer to Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer.  I began to realize what it was to have an actual relationship with Him and started praying every day.  This event strengthened me spiritually in some ways, and in other ways, it depleted my emotional and mental strength completely.

Despite the fact that I was now closer to God and finally in love with Him, I was depressed and not sure there was help for me.  I was extremely lonely and couldn't imagine ever coming out of this deep pit I was in.  There were days I actually contemplated suicide.

I'm not sure exactly when it left, but slowly I adjusted to my situation and accepted it.  Sure, there were still days when I went to bed crying because I felt so lonely, but for the most part, I was okay with it.  I smiled a little bit more and learned to adjust in certain social situations.  I even went to youth nights again, although I didn't like to hang out with those my age-I stayed close to the adults, looking for responsibilities or something to keep me busy and away from those who made me feel like an outcast.

I guess God must've heard my cry somewhere along the way, because He did answer my prayers.  Two years and about two months, He sent me someone, only I didn't realize it at the time.  The boy He sent had actually been someone I had liked as a young girl, but we'd drifted far apart as we grew older.   That night God moved in his life tremendously and I felt a connection for the first time, even though I shook it off as my own desperate want for a friend.

Finally, we started talking again and I saw a small glimmer of hope.  However, I had been hurt so much in the past that I didn't think it would last.  In my mind, no one could ever really like me for who I was.  I slowly began retreating into my shell again.  That's when it happened.

Several people had tried to bring it to my attention that he may have liked me and that I may have had feelings for him, but I didn't believe them.  Not until he told me.  Quite bluntly he told me, actually.  This surprised me immensely, because I didn't think that was even possible.  Did he even know who I really was?  Surely to goodness I'll end up scaring him away once he finds out what I'm really like.

But I didn't.  For the first time in two years and some months, I was able to open up completely and no one made fun of me or rejected me for it.  He actually likes me for it!  Because of that, I actually began opening myself up to others as well.  God has used this friendship and He's healed very deep wounds that I thought would never be healed.  Thank You, Jesus!

So today, we are still friends (mainly because I still have another two years until I can court).  Today, I can look back and honestly say that God was working all things together for my good, even though I couldn't see it.  It doesn't matter what I go through, He's always with me and He always has a bigger plan.  Because of Him, I can say that I'm celebrating the third year anniversary of that awful tragedy with my Best Friend and with my better friend (Sorry, but I can't have two best friends, lol).

My life has not been perfect, but it's in the hands of the Perfect One, so everything will turn out just fine.  :)

Hold On To His Promises,
Hannah R.

Shifting Sand and a Solid Rock

I apologize for not writing in so long, but sometimes life gets in the way, and you find that you don't have time  to do much except your responsibilities.  And the past year or so has been crazy...to say the least.

Last year held some good and some bad things for me.  The good was that, for the first time in two and a half years, I found a friend whose intention was not to use me or hurt me in any way.  I found that I could finally be myself around someone without them thinking I'm weird.  He was truly a gift from God.

The bad things (the ones I can share anyways), unfortunately included the illness and death of my grandfather.  He started getting very ill (he was sick already, but it took a turn for the worst) in January.  For the next eight months (or seven and a half), I watched my grandfather get better and worse until he eventually passed away in August.  The next month and a half was hard on me (although not as hard as it was on my mother).

Sometimes, our life presents circumstances that make us feel as if we're on shifting sand.  That month (and even a little bit afterwards) I struggled with my faith and believing that God actually was a healer.  It felt as if my world was crumbling and God wasn't anywhere to be found.  Hence, the shifting sand.

Then, on labor day, I was at a very dark place.  I didn't know what to do except sit in my room alone and cry.  I didn't want to be around anyone and I didn't want to talk about it.  I kept praying that God would work a miracle...and He did.

I went to an online bible study hosted by Alan Powell of Anthem Lights (maybe you've heard of them?).  I 'met' a girl there who was going through similar circumstances and she gave me her number.  Alan himself also answered a question of mine.  After that bible study, I realized that maybe God had put me in these circumstances for a reason.  A peace came over me and I knew that, no matter what happened, God would bring me through it.  That's when I realized that He alone is my solid rock and foundation.

So, yes, life is VERY shifty.  But, in the midst of all the pain and the uncertainty, we can be certain that there is a God that is our solid foundation.  He will never leave us, nor forsake us, and He will always, always be there for us, holding us up in the middle of our trial.

A Tribute to 9/11

     This post is dedicated to all the loved ones left behind and to all who bravely fought to save lives that terrifying day.
     That day was very terrifying.  Even though I was only four years old at the time, I have heard many stories and seen the many heartbreaks that that day has given.  The family and friends that have been left behind-I pray God gives you strength to face today and every other day where the pain seems too overwhelming to overcome.  You are very brave people, and your loved were very strong to have faced such terror.
     To all the firefighters, police, and military who fought so bravely and risked their lives that day-our gratitude can never be expressed.  You did your best to stay calm even when you weren't sure if you could save any of the people...much less make it out alive.  All of you men and women showed more bravery than I have ever seen in my life.  And all of those who died in the line of duty, they will be sorely missed, but know that they died a very heroic death, and we are very grateful for that.
     To George Bush, the President at the time, and all of his cabinet who, although they were terrified and not sure what was going on, remained calm and made the decisions that were needed to save this country from any more lost lives.  You guys were very valiant that day.
     To all of you survivors, who I am sure still have nightmares caused by that horrid day.  You guys are very blessed even if it doesn't seem like it.  Despite all the depression and fear that followed, you guys still chose to live and didn't let fear run your lives.
     To President Obama, and all the men and women who showed up to honor the memory of the lost lives.  Even though you may not have known any of them, you were very kind to show up for those who did.  May God bless you for that.
     And finally, to God, Who was the ultimate source of our strength and wisdom that day, and Who continues to be till this very day.  We thank Him for all the lives that were saved, and for the comfort and strength He gave this country on 9/11.

    

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 KJV