A Way Higher Than Mine

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

Since my time in Costa Rica, I've been thinking about this verse a lot lately. You see, a year ago at this time, I had my entire life planned out and it looked RADICALLY different from where I am now. I wasn't planning on being single or still living at home. I wasn't planning on having my ministry focused on the Hispanic community both domestically and abroad. I definitely wasn't planning on having everything I dreamed about, everything I held firmly in my grasp, ripped right from my fingers.

At first I didn't understand it. How could God take away my dreams, my plans? What on earth was He doing with my life?

And in the midst of the chaos, in the confusion, He allowed me to walk through doors I never even saw open. An internship at a clinic working with the most amazing people. Volunteering as in assistant ESL teacher with a supervisor and students who taught ME something every time I walked in that classroom. Incredible friendships with people who had been there all along, but who I never paid attention to. Just to name a few.

As if that wasn't enough, God opened the door for me to travel to Costa Rica again with a scholarship that paid for literally EVERYTHING. And while I was there, my dreams began to change. My focus in life began shifting. Even though I was there to teach English, they taught me even more. About life. About love. About trusting God even when nothing is going your way. I couldn't help but leave changed by the experience.

At the very end of my time there, all I could do was stand in awe at everything God had done for me and everyone He had introduced into my life. All of the doors He opened and that He keeps on opening every single week. 

It was during this time that I understood WHY I had to go through the pain, the heartache. WHY my dreams and my plans had to be torn to shreds. Because God knew they weren't good enough. He knew that His plans were so much bigger and greater and so blessed that I couldn't possibly settle for my own. 

I'm not saying it's easy. There are days I struggle to let go of my will and trust that God knows what He's doing. But ultimately, I know that He wants what is best for me. That He is FIGHTING so I can have the very best. And all I have to do is keep seeking His face, keeping trusting in His dreams, His plans. 

Because His ways and His thoughts are definitely higher than my own.

My Story

A lot of you may be wondering why I even started this blog.  Honestly, there were times when I wondered the same thing.  But then I realized that it has to do with my story...no, not my entire life story (that's too long to tell), but basically the event that made me who I am today.

Three years ago, almost to the very day, I lost two very dear friends.  In fact, they were pretty much my only friends and that was kind of pathetic on my part.  But, to my credit, I expected them to be in my life forever-in my wedding, to see my children, and eventually we would grow old and our families would gather together and play.  I was obviously wrong.

I won't go into all the details, but what I will tell you was that they left my life rather suddenly.  Although they were leaving, though, I was promised that we would still get to hang out and talk on the phone.  Unfortunately, that promise was broken in less than a week.  I was texting them on Wednesday when our conversation ended abruptly, and then I called them on Friday only to find that they ignored my call.  I was utterly devastated.  Somehow, I made it through that month.  

About a month later, I got an email in my inbox confirming my original thoughts-they weren't allowed to talk to me anymore.  I'm still not sure why, but they weren't.  So I did the best I could to make friends with the others in my youth group, and for a while succeeded too, but that didn't last long.  I quickly began to feel the sting of rejection and more and more like an outcast each day-I stopped going to youth events in the fall.

The one thing I have to say about that event was that it pulled me closer to Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer.  I began to realize what it was to have an actual relationship with Him and started praying every day.  This event strengthened me spiritually in some ways, and in other ways, it depleted my emotional and mental strength completely.

Despite the fact that I was now closer to God and finally in love with Him, I was depressed and not sure there was help for me.  I was extremely lonely and couldn't imagine ever coming out of this deep pit I was in.  There were days I actually contemplated suicide.

I'm not sure exactly when it left, but slowly I adjusted to my situation and accepted it.  Sure, there were still days when I went to bed crying because I felt so lonely, but for the most part, I was okay with it.  I smiled a little bit more and learned to adjust in certain social situations.  I even went to youth nights again, although I didn't like to hang out with those my age-I stayed close to the adults, looking for responsibilities or something to keep me busy and away from those who made me feel like an outcast.

I guess God must've heard my cry somewhere along the way, because He did answer my prayers.  Two years and about two months, He sent me someone, only I didn't realize it at the time.  The boy He sent had actually been someone I had liked as a young girl, but we'd drifted far apart as we grew older.   That night God moved in his life tremendously and I felt a connection for the first time, even though I shook it off as my own desperate want for a friend.

Finally, we started talking again and I saw a small glimmer of hope.  However, I had been hurt so much in the past that I didn't think it would last.  In my mind, no one could ever really like me for who I was.  I slowly began retreating into my shell again.  That's when it happened.

Several people had tried to bring it to my attention that he may have liked me and that I may have had feelings for him, but I didn't believe them.  Not until he told me.  Quite bluntly he told me, actually.  This surprised me immensely, because I didn't think that was even possible.  Did he even know who I really was?  Surely to goodness I'll end up scaring him away once he finds out what I'm really like.

But I didn't.  For the first time in two years and some months, I was able to open up completely and no one made fun of me or rejected me for it.  He actually likes me for it!  Because of that, I actually began opening myself up to others as well.  God has used this friendship and He's healed very deep wounds that I thought would never be healed.  Thank You, Jesus!

So today, we are still friends (mainly because I still have another two years until I can court).  Today, I can look back and honestly say that God was working all things together for my good, even though I couldn't see it.  It doesn't matter what I go through, He's always with me and He always has a bigger plan.  Because of Him, I can say that I'm celebrating the third year anniversary of that awful tragedy with my Best Friend and with my better friend (Sorry, but I can't have two best friends, lol).

My life has not been perfect, but it's in the hands of the Perfect One, so everything will turn out just fine.  :)

Hold On To His Promises,
Hannah R.

A Tribute to 9/11

     This post is dedicated to all the loved ones left behind and to all who bravely fought to save lives that terrifying day.
     That day was very terrifying.  Even though I was only four years old at the time, I have heard many stories and seen the many heartbreaks that that day has given.  The family and friends that have been left behind-I pray God gives you strength to face today and every other day where the pain seems too overwhelming to overcome.  You are very brave people, and your loved were very strong to have faced such terror.
     To all the firefighters, police, and military who fought so bravely and risked their lives that day-our gratitude can never be expressed.  You did your best to stay calm even when you weren't sure if you could save any of the people...much less make it out alive.  All of you men and women showed more bravery than I have ever seen in my life.  And all of those who died in the line of duty, they will be sorely missed, but know that they died a very heroic death, and we are very grateful for that.
     To George Bush, the President at the time, and all of his cabinet who, although they were terrified and not sure what was going on, remained calm and made the decisions that were needed to save this country from any more lost lives.  You guys were very valiant that day.
     To all of you survivors, who I am sure still have nightmares caused by that horrid day.  You guys are very blessed even if it doesn't seem like it.  Despite all the depression and fear that followed, you guys still chose to live and didn't let fear run your lives.
     To President Obama, and all the men and women who showed up to honor the memory of the lost lives.  Even though you may not have known any of them, you were very kind to show up for those who did.  May God bless you for that.
     And finally, to God, Who was the ultimate source of our strength and wisdom that day, and Who continues to be till this very day.  We thank Him for all the lives that were saved, and for the comfort and strength He gave this country on 9/11.

    

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 KJV

The Honest Truth

Okay, none of us are perfect.  We all have stretched the truth one time or another, even if we were two when we did.  We all have acted like someone we're not at one time or another.  In other words, we all have lied or kept the truth from being known at one point time or another.
This weekend, I had to make a very hard decision.  I was in the midst of a few people that were doing nothing but bashing people or talking about how horrible their life is and how bad everyone treats them.  Unfortunately, I learned a startling truth about one of these persons and wasn't sure whether or not I should talk to someone about it.  What do you do when you have to make a decision that will either help or make things worse for other people?
I did end up telling someone, but it was my parents.  We prayed about it together and decided that, for right now, it would be kept secret.
As for them bashing people, I did stand up for the person (or people) they were talking about.  It made me mad that a person could put on such a facade of loyalty, only to condemn them behind their back.  I did ask them to stop talking about it, but after claiming they needed to 'vent', they continued on and I went to sleep.
This post is called the honest truth because I feel we should not lie about ourselves, our situations, or our opinions.  If you don't respect someone, don't act like you do in front of them and criticize them behind their back.  If you need help with a certain situation or problem, go find that help-you'll most likely thank yourself later.  And if you keep pretending to be someone you're not, then stop.  God made you who you are, and He doesn't want you to try to act like someone else.
The point is, always be honest-with yourself and with others.

1 Timothy 2:2
For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.

Agape Love-Forgiveness

Love-We all know what it is.  We all have experienced it (hopefully) at one point time in our lives.  Love is very powerful.  Even the very word can tear someone heart apart or make their heart seemingly fly to the highest mountains.  Love is the very thing that gave us salvation.
But love is a very risky thing.  I have found myself putting my heart out, only to have it returned crushed and broken in a million pieces.  Love isn't something to be taken lightly.  If you truly love someone, you'll risk getting hurt even if you know that they will, at one point time or another, break your heart.
The word Agape is mentioned several times in the bible.  It is a love so selfless and pure that very few people ever experience it truly.  It is so great that God Himself came down to earth because of this type of love.  Agape love is very rare amongst people today, even amongst Christians.
Lately, I have been struggling very hard with two things: love and forgiveness.  My pastor preached about love and forgiveness Sunday morning, so I find myself struggling in these two areas especially.  He spoke on how we gave up our right to take revenge on those who have hurt us, and how we need the love of God to feel our hearts, so we can truly love them...even when they hurt us.
We need to love them like Christ loved us.  He was willing to sacrifice of Himself for our sakes, so why do we let the flesh have control, and, instead of extending mercy and forgiveness, we try to get revenge?  We only trap ourselves in doing so.
This week has been the ultimate test of love and forgiveness.  I felt like I had finally learned how to forgive, and like I didn't have problems with anyone anymore.  Then, even harder challenges arose.  I found myself nearly throwing in the towel and giving into that anger and bitterness that had snuck into my heart.  But (God really does have a sense of humor) God sent another messenger who talked on loving others and how we gave up the right to take revenge.  I really needed to hear that at that specific moment in time.
So, my question is, do you have trouble with forgiving those who have hurt you?  Are you demonstrating Agape love, or do you automatically shun a person when they hurt you?  Do you put your heart on the line, or hold some of yourself back?  Don't worry, I have trouble with this too, but, with God's help, we can overcome these two things.

Matthew 5:43-45

King James Version (KJV)

 ⁴³Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
 ⁴⁴But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
 ⁴⁵That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Beautiful-Outer Beauty

Okay, so I think all of us have trouble with our self-image at one point time or another.  Maybe it's not so much the inner beauty as it is the outer beauty that we struggle with.  I went to a family reunion this week, and I found myself comparing myself to all of these really thin and pretty female relatives I have.  Yes, the effects did last for a few hours, and on top of that, I was struggling with confusion on other people's opinion of me.  I asked God to help me see myself the way He sees me, to help me with these destructive feelings.
Yes, He did help me with these feelings.  He helped me to see that I shouldn't compare myself to others, when He made me in His image.  Mandisa put it this way:

"I am a sixteen year old daughter, lost in a mirror with no self esteem, but God made me in His image, and that makes me a beauty queen."

She was completely right about this.  God did make us in His image, right?  So why should we be ashamed if we have red hair when we want blonde?  Or when we want to be 120 pounds, but we're 140.  We don't have to let society's view of beauty affect our view of beauty.  We don't have to let Hollywood tell us that we need to be stick thin and anorexic to be pretty.  We don't have to cake on makeup, dye our hair, or wear skin tight clothing to be attractive.  You are beautiful just the way you are!
So, if you struggle with these feelings, just know that you are made in God's image, and you don't have to let anyone tell you what you need to look like to be beautiful.  You are what you say you are, and if you say you're beautiful, you are most definitely beautiful.

Proverbs 31:30
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

The Measuring Cup

The measuring cup...we all know what it is.  "I wish I were as pretty as she is", "I don't have as much money as he does", the list goes on and on.  What do I have to say about this?  I ask what measuring cup are you using?
If you are using this world's measuring up, your focus is most likely on: appearance, money, material things.  People that constantly try to be like another person according to these standards are usually miserable.  Why should we try to be as pretty as someone else when God made each and every one of us in His image.  Why should we try to obtain as much money and material things in life when all that really matters is what we obtain in eternity?  We cannot keep trying to get all the money and things we can get and expect to be happy.  It just won't happen.
When you use God's measuring cup, you find that you don't have to be the prettiest (or handsomest) person in the world, you don't have a big, overwhelming desire to get more and more money, and you find yourself wanting to obtain the eternal things instead of the earthly ones.
We cannot compare ourselves to this world, nor to the people in it.  If you say you're not pretty enough, who are you comparing yourself to?  If you don't have enough money, what amount are comparing your income to?  Why are you trying to compare yourself and your life, when God has made you in his image, and He died to give you the most important thing on earth: Redemption.
If you find that you've been comparing yourself to other people and their lives, take a moment to think.  God loves YOU for who YOU are, and He doesn't want to be anyone else or live anyone else's life.

2 Corinthians 10:12
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
Proverbs 8:11
For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it.

Baring Your Heart

As I have learned recently, sometimes it is better to just be yourself and trust God for the results.  Because of a few experiences I've had in the past, I have been very hesitant to show who I really am.  I'm always afraid people will get tired of me and my personality, so I back of after a while.  Unfortunately, I was only hurting myself by doing so.
Inspiration for this post hit me when I became friends with someone on Facebook (yes, facebook).  I always try to choose my words carefully to try and impress people, but I'm always I put down the wrong thing, and that they won't like me (or rather my personality) anymore.  But I came to realized that sometimes we must bare our hearts, and show who we really are.  We can put our trust in God that at least one person will still be there for us.
So, if you have the same problem I do, and you have trouble being who you really are, then why don't we promise ourselves that we will no longer hold anything back, and put our trust in God.  I know He'll take of it.  So, what am I saying?  Bare your heart...that's all.

My Paper Heart

My heart is very fragile, in fact, it's about as fragile as paper.  I guess that's where Francesca Battistelli got her song and I got the name for my blog.  I have learned more in the past year about the fragility of our hearts than I have in my entire life.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't started this to complain and gripe about all my problems, but perhaps this blog can serve as a balm to those who know just how fragile our hearts can be.
It's an amazing thing, how some of the world's strongest men and women (physically) can withstand punch after punch, but when someone breaks their heart, there is nothing to cushion the blow.  The bad thing about it is that once that hurt takes place, it's hard to get out.  Just like once you put a nail in wood, even though you can take it out, it won't take away the scar it leaves.  You have to get a new fence for that.  Only God can truly wipe away the pain that life so willingly offers.
So, this being said, give your paper heart to God, and let Him wipe the slate clean, and give you a new one.