Okay, so if I'm being honest, I had the worst week of my life about two weeks ago. Not only did I have to cut off someone who meant the world to me, but I lost complete control of my life and it seemed like everything was falling apart and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. But in the midst of this chaos, I realized that God was doing something in my life...
Have you ever had something that you know you should let go of, but you cannot for the life of you seem to? Well, that's pretty much what happened to me. I can't point a finger in either direction, but all I knew was that I had to break off this relationship. All that I was getting from it was a broken heart and feelings of uncertainty, and I wasn't able to put anything into that relationship either...it was slowly falling apart and there was nothing I could do to save it. So I broke it off that Monday...hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
Then came Wednesday. Monday had passed, and had actually turned out to be a good day. Tuesday had come, and I found myself a little tear eyed at dumb things I saw, such as seeing something at work that reminded me of it, or a thought popping into my head. Wednesday, however, was the worst day of the entire week. I was already feeling awful and completely stressed out that day, but then we couldn't go to church, and something happened. When I was certain church was over, it hit me: there was no one for me to talk to. There wasn't anyone who I could ask how service went, and no one to tell me how much they missed me at service. Worst off, there was no one to tell how I was feeling to, except for God (thank goodness for Jesus!).
Honestly, I was ready to end it all. At this point, I didn't believe in anything anymore. I didn't believe in love or in friendship...the only thing I did believe in was God. And once I poured out my heart to Him, He lifted me up and helped me to see that everything was going to be okay.
So fast forward to Sunday...I was absolutely dreading this day because I had to give something back to that friend. I wasn't sure how that person would respond and I wasn't exactly sure how I would either. Would I cry? Would I be happy and relieved? What would I feel like? It was a mixture...For a few minutes, we actually acted as if nothing had happened, as if we were still friends. I was relieved that that was over and done with, but at the same time, I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to stop being best friends.
I fought these feelings for a couple days. Why should I have to let go? We could still be really good friends and everything would be okay, right? But deep inside, I knew that wouldn't work. I prayed and I prayed, but the answer was the same: We could be friends, but things would never be back to the way they used to be. This was so hard for me! I couldn't let go. I was so afraid that I would go back to the lonely, insecure girl I once used to be.
After praying (very hard, I must add) and reading the Word of God, I felt God was saying it was time to let go. So I did...that very day God showed that He would take care of me. I learned that one of the boys I 'go' (I go to an online public school) to US History class with is actually someone I bible quizzed with. On top of that, I got to see him and another one of my friends which I haven't seen since 2nd grade at the testing site for my ECAs. I felt better from then on.
As the days went on, I started talking to a bunch more people, and now have more friends than I have ever had in my life! I'm not saying I don't miss that friend of mine, because I do. I miss being able to talk to him about nearly anything, and I miss hanging out with him. But I do realize that letting him go was, in fact, the right choice. God made the situation to work out for my good, and for that, I'm so happy and ecstatic!!!
So, with that, what are you hanging on to? Is there something in your life that God is telling you to let go of, but you can't seem to bear the thought of it? I can assure you, letting go is the right choice. Let go of whatever it is you're holding on to. You won't regret it!
Letting Go of the Past,
Hannah Elizabeth
