The Case of the Spilled Water

 I went out the other night with a friend of mine (for the sake of the story, named Sam) and one of his close friends (we'll call him John), which happens to be someone I'm interested in.

We ordered our drinks, the waitress set them down on the table in front of us when all of a sudden the cup of water slipped from his hands and went "splash!" onto my side of the table. I sat there in shock as my dress, my underclothes, and even my skin became soaked with the ice-cold water.

John quickly apologized as I laughed it off and began soaking up however much of the water I could. Unfortunately, my dress was so soaked that I had to pull it slightly above my knees along with the slip I was wearing.

I looked between the two men in front of me, red in the cheeks, and said "Please, don't look underneath the table."

Sam quickly waved it off to say "don't worry, I won't" and John looked at me apologetically and said both gently and emphatically "No, claro que no." Roughly translated, meaning No, of course not.

They both honored that for the rest of the night.

Now, to you, this story probably means absolutely nothing. You're probably like "Okay, that was thoughtful of them, so what?"

But to someone like me, who has had almost all of her boundaries violated in the past year and a half, especially physical boundaries, the promise they kept to honor both my privacy and my body, meant the world.

A lot of you probably know my story, especially if you've read the previous blog post, so you know I'm a survivor of sexual assault. The violation I experienced after going through sexual assault and then into an abusive and manipulative relationship has been tremendous. Not just physically but also mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

But these past few months, God has been reconstructing my understanding of love. Not solely romantic love but love in general.

This is why I think about Sunday night and 1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind... "Love is patient and kind...it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth." (1 Corinthians 13:4-6, ESV)

Love always honors the other person. It's not selfish, it doesn't think about pleasing itself but would rather focus on how it can honor and uplift the other person.

God is rewiring my brain on how to live with this perspective of love. Not just so that I can love others the way that God intended all along, but also so I could receive love the way He intended me to receive it. To understand that any love that does not honor and respect me, my body, my emotions, etc. is no love at all, but rather a worldly substitution for it.

I'll likely be posting more about love in later posts as I continue this journey, but for the time being, I'd like to leave you with some questions.

How do you perceive love? When loving others, do you seek to honor and respect them?

If in a relationship, do you and your partner honor each other's boundaries, bodies, emotions, convictions, etc.? If not, is God calling you to something better, whether that be transforming the relationship or moving on from it?

Feel free to comment with your responses below!

Much love,

Hannah

To the girl...

This photo has been on my mind a lot lately.

We're studying Beauty in the Broken this week in God's Word for Life, and never has that been more apparent in my life than it has this past year.

Sunday marks an anniversary I would rather forget, but that will be drilled into my memory forever.

When I look at this picture I'm reminded that this girl doesn't quite exist anymore. She's lived an entire decade this past year and overcome more obstacles than she has her entire life.

She lived through the nights of only sleeping a couple hours and driving with no destination in mind at 2AM blasting music because it was the only way to shut off her brain.

She survived the nights of staring up at the ceiling asking God why. Why me? Why this? Why now? Why, why, why?

She breathed through the days where her heart ached and her lungs felt deprived of air and she felt more dead than alive.

She searched high and low, in every crack and crevice, to find healing. She did everything she could to make something right only to realize she alone didn't have that power.

She destroyed things meant to stay and built worthless structures in their place.

She hated and hurt and mourned and shifted and changed and...kept going.

She learned to love deeper when all she felt was hate. She learned to breathe when life punched her in the gut and live when all she wanted to do was lay down and die.

She still has bad days, when the memories won't go away and her emotions run rampant and she can't quite shake that feeling of brokenness.

But to that girl--I'm proud of you. You kept going when it would have been easier just to give up. You stood up even when you were knocked down again and again and again.

You loved when it meant your heart would be shattered and loving your enemies came to life. You stayed when everything told you to run and hide.

To that girl, Sunday doesn't mean you've broken all over again. It's a reminder of how far you've come and how God truly does create beauty from the broken.

You're here, you're healing, you're living, you're still loving. And I couldn't be prouder of you.

P.S. If you're that girl (or boy), please know it does get better. There is hope for healing and you are NOT what someone else did to you. Below are some resources for sexual assault survivors.

Resources

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

National Sexual Violence Resource Center: https://www.nsvrc.org/

Joyful Heart Foundation: http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/

Victim Connect: victimconnect.org or 855-484-2846

RAINN: https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones