Dear Self,
You're hurting right now. You had to hear all about how your ex-almost boyfriend married someone else. The wedding pictures have popped up all over your Instagram and Facebook, even though you've done your best to avoid them. And even though it hurt, you were told that you shouldn't show that it bothered you. After all, that would be showing them, showing her and him, that they were the winners. But that's not true. Just because you're showing your hurt does NOT make you weak. You've taken this like a champ, praying for them and their marriage every single day and that God would bless them. And the fact that you're hurting doesn't lessen that and it doesn't lessen you.
You're afraid to believe in love again. You desperately want to believe that love exists and that somewhere out there lies a man that will love you unconditionally. But fear has stolen that hope. Fear that you will be horribly disappointed. Fear that there isn't somebody waiting for God to send you into his life. And fear that, even if there was, the love that he feels toward you would only last until someone better came along.
Self, you've had to watch a ton of your friends find that someone special in their life. This week alone, you've seen at least one wedding (other than your ex's) and two of your friends enter new relationships. You're genuinely happy for them, and you wish them the best. But it serves as a constant reminder of your own lack of someone special.
You know that there is so much more to life than a relationship. You have all these plans to travel to tons of countries, publish the novels you've written, and change the world. All of your energy and time is invested in building your relationship with Christ, creating other relationships, and being successful in college, Quite frankly, you're super happy with your life. And you thank God every day that you have so many opportunities and that He has put so many fantastic people in your life.
And yet, you find yourself measuring how special you are based on your relationship status. You've struggled with the thought that you're unlovable and not good enough. You've wondered why the only people that will notice you are the older, creepy men at your workplace. There have been many days where you shove negative thoughts about your own self-worth down so you can encourage other people. And nights where you've had to cry alone because you don't feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with anyone.
Dear self, listen to me. You are priceless and beautiful. There is NOTHING wrong with you, and you are so unconditionally loved already. Don't ever let someone tell you that you're not good enough. You are amazing and unique, and God knew exactly what He was doing when He created you.
Please, please don't believe that just because some guy left you and chose someone else that love doesn't exist. You may not believe in it now, but I pray every day that God will open your eyes and show you the love that exists. The love that stepped down from His throne in Heaven and died a horrible death on a cross for you. And I pray that, one day, there will be a man who knows this love and know what it takes to love the kind of precious jewel that you are.
And finally, LOVE YOURSELF. Love the person that God created you to be. Step out with confidence that you are exactly who you need to be and with the knowledge that, one day, the hurt will be gone. God will heal your heartache and restore your hope and faith, even if it takes a while. Don't lose sight of that, love.
~Your beautiful, loved self~
