If I'm being honest here, the past few months have been hard...no, I'm not saying that I hate my life or that my problems are worse than anyone else's because, honestly, my problems probably rate at the bottom. Nevertheless, it had included heartbreak and a LOT of stress.
There was one particular heartbreak that affected me more than I thought...which included a guy. I'm not going to go into detail, but I will say that we liked each other, and then without any warning, I was ignored and had to make the decision to step back from the relationship (although we weren't actually dating or anything). I'm not saying it was completely his fault because I'm sure I had a part in the breakup of our friendship too. However, it still hurt and tears were shed (well, I'm a teenage girl, what do you expect?).
During the past months, I have surrounded myself with friends and moved on fairly well. I even have a crush on someone else (but no names will be mentioned, lol). However, I was still hurting, and still having issues of trust due to the previous relationship. But I was ignoring it and hiding it...from my family, my friends, and even myself. Only God really saw how broken my heart was.
On top of that, I had been under a lot of stress the past few weeks due to tests and just plain pressure...I'm growing up, and realizing that life isn't easy, and there are a lot of responsibilities that come along with growing up.
Today, I got into an argument with my mom (arguments like this very rarely happen between us, but it still happened...) about something that probably wouldn't have mattered a few hours. Usually, I would have walked away to cool down. This time, however, I couldn't stop the stream of tears and the sob that came. For the next half hour, I cried my eyes out. I didn't even know why. Eventually, my mom followed me back to my room where I had gone to take a nap. There, we talked for a while, and she asked me what was wrong. What was really wrong with me, that is...I usually would never respond like this. After simply whispering "I don't know", I finally told her, "It's been a rough few months that's all".
Then she told me that she thought I wasn't completely over that relationship yet, despite the fact I hide it well. It was in that moment that I realized she was right...I had fooled everyone, including myself, to believing that I was completely okay and that it didn't matter to me anymore. But it did matter and God knew that. I finally came to a point where I couldn't deny the hurt, and I needed to things go, so God could start really healing me, instead of me covering it up.
My point? Don't bottle things up inside. Sometimes we allow pride to get in our way, and we don't open up to others or even to God about our hurt or our situations. But I'm pretty sure that God designed us to open up. He can't completely heal us if we deny that we are broken and need His touch so desperately. If we continue to withhold ourselves, there will come a time where we will explode, and it may not allows be in a bedroom where your mother is comforting you. It may be in our workplace, at church, or some other place which would not be ideal.
So what are you hiding in a bottle? Let it go now, and allow God to heal you. Then, leave Him to do the work in you that He's been wanting to do for a while. You'll eventually wake up one day and realize your healing is complete.
With A Broken Heart and Healing,
Hannah Elizabeth
No comments:
Post a Comment