Three years ago, almost to the very day, I lost two very dear friends. In fact, they were pretty much my only friends and that was kind of pathetic on my part. But, to my credit, I expected them to be in my life forever-in my wedding, to see my children, and eventually we would grow old and our families would gather together and play. I was obviously wrong.
I won't go into all the details, but what I will tell you was that they left my life rather suddenly. Although they were leaving, though, I was promised that we would still get to hang out and talk on the phone. Unfortunately, that promise was broken in less than a week. I was texting them on Wednesday when our conversation ended abruptly, and then I called them on Friday only to find that they ignored my call. I was utterly devastated. Somehow, I made it through that month.
About a month later, I got an email in my inbox confirming my original thoughts-they weren't allowed to talk to me anymore. I'm still not sure why, but they weren't. So I did the best I could to make friends with the others in my youth group, and for a while succeeded too, but that didn't last long. I quickly began to feel the sting of rejection and more and more like an outcast each day-I stopped going to youth events in the fall.
The one thing I have to say about that event was that it pulled me closer to Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer. I began to realize what it was to have an actual relationship with Him and started praying every day. This event strengthened me spiritually in some ways, and in other ways, it depleted my emotional and mental strength completely.
Despite the fact that I was now closer to God and finally in love with Him, I was depressed and not sure there was help for me. I was extremely lonely and couldn't imagine ever coming out of this deep pit I was in. There were days I actually contemplated suicide.
I'm not sure exactly when it left, but slowly I adjusted to my situation and accepted it. Sure, there were still days when I went to bed crying because I felt so lonely, but for the most part, I was okay with it. I smiled a little bit more and learned to adjust in certain social situations. I even went to youth nights again, although I didn't like to hang out with those my age-I stayed close to the adults, looking for responsibilities or something to keep me busy and away from those who made me feel like an outcast.
I guess God must've heard my cry somewhere along the way, because He did answer my prayers. Two years and about two months, He sent me someone, only I didn't realize it at the time. The boy He sent had actually been someone I had liked as a young girl, but we'd drifted far apart as we grew older. That night God moved in his life tremendously and I felt a connection for the first time, even though I shook it off as my own desperate want for a friend.
Finally, we started talking again and I saw a small glimmer of hope. However, I had been hurt so much in the past that I didn't think it would last. In my mind, no one could ever really like me for who I was. I slowly began retreating into my shell again. That's when it happened.
Several people had tried to bring it to my attention that he may have liked me and that I may have had feelings for him, but I didn't believe them. Not until he told me. Quite bluntly he told me, actually. This surprised me immensely, because I didn't think that was even possible. Did he even know who I really was? Surely to goodness I'll end up scaring him away once he finds out what I'm really like.
But I didn't. For the first time in two years and some months, I was able to open up completely and no one made fun of me or rejected me for it. He actually likes me for it! Because of that, I actually began opening myself up to others as well. God has used this friendship and He's healed very deep wounds that I thought would never be healed. Thank You, Jesus!
So today, we are still friends (mainly because I still have another two years until I can court). Today, I can look back and honestly say that God was working all things together for my good, even though I couldn't see it. It doesn't matter what I go through, He's always with me and He always has a bigger plan. Because of Him, I can say that I'm celebrating the third year anniversary of that awful tragedy with my Best Friend and with my better friend (Sorry, but I can't have two best friends, lol).
My life has not been perfect, but it's in the hands of the Perfect One, so everything will turn out just fine. :)
Hold On To His Promises,
Hannah R.
Several people had tried to bring it to my attention that he may have liked me and that I may have had feelings for him, but I didn't believe them. Not until he told me. Quite bluntly he told me, actually. This surprised me immensely, because I didn't think that was even possible. Did he even know who I really was? Surely to goodness I'll end up scaring him away once he finds out what I'm really like.
But I didn't. For the first time in two years and some months, I was able to open up completely and no one made fun of me or rejected me for it. He actually likes me for it! Because of that, I actually began opening myself up to others as well. God has used this friendship and He's healed very deep wounds that I thought would never be healed. Thank You, Jesus!
So today, we are still friends (mainly because I still have another two years until I can court). Today, I can look back and honestly say that God was working all things together for my good, even though I couldn't see it. It doesn't matter what I go through, He's always with me and He always has a bigger plan. Because of Him, I can say that I'm celebrating the third year anniversary of that awful tragedy with my Best Friend and with my better friend (Sorry, but I can't have two best friends, lol).
My life has not been perfect, but it's in the hands of the Perfect One, so everything will turn out just fine. :)
Hold On To His Promises,
Hannah R.
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